Last updated 09:15, Saturday, 10 May 2008

FANS who were absent from Carlisle’s end-of-season awards night missed a riotous parting speech from John Haworth.

Haworth is United’s long-serving club doctor who, on last Sunday’s evidence, is retiring to spend more time with his adjectives.

The best part of his speech fails to get through the usual filters on a family newspaper, sadly. All you need to know is that Haworth’s verbal venom was sprayed in the direction of an elderly chap in League One who isn’t averse to dishing it out himself, and whose team may or may not be facing Carlisle in the near future.

Note to United’s programme editors: give the man a column, if you dare.