Ian Coates

Last updated 09:30, Saturday, 11 October 2008

Who invented supermarkets? It must have been a woman. Only ladies need so much choice under one roof.

I usually do my shopping at my local Co-op and whilst they do not hold every brand of every product there are usually a couple of varieties to choose from.

If they do not carry a product, there is usually something to make do with. Or is that a man thing?

I was in Penrith one day and chose to use a supermarket instead of my usual shop to see if I could make savings to my weekly grocery bill.

I collected a trolley the size of a dumper truck from the park and entered the store.

I’m sure the first aisle had the fruit gross product of Spain in that one store alone.

There was every variety I could name, several I couldn’t, and possibly one or two as yet undiscovered.

After five minutes I found the apples and then spent 10 minutes deciding which variety I wanted.

To put it in perspective, 10 minutes is the time allocated to my weekly shop.

I was already bored.

I approached the north east face of the bread mountain.

I scoured the shelves for a large white sliced loaf.

But there was no packaging to tell me just what I was actually buying.

I was lost and alone.

Overcome with panic and claustrophobia, I headed for the tills, the only direction I was confident of due to the beeping of the scanner.

My choices scanned, a nice lady helped me pack, just like they do in the Co-op.

I paid for my goods and was surprised to find how little I had spent.

Of course I will need to go to the Co-op for the majority of shopping I could not find, but that will be okay.

I need some retail therapeutic measures to lessen the trauma of using a big store.

But before I go again, I’ll call the Army and train for the event.