Last updated 09:01, Saturday, 22 November 2008

REALITY check number two: there are no celebrities!

Jungle fever has undoubtedly already gripped millions in a stupefying sickness. Fed by dark cold nights, the pinching of credit-crunch and a TV brainwashing that has worn us all down into belief that if we’re not watching reality game shows we’ll have nothing to talk about in the morning, staying in is the new going out.

The immediate success of I’m a Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here (ITV) must be a combination of at least a few of the above factors – because it’s surely given up on the celebrity part of its title.

Joe “Is the Czech Republic near Prague?” Swash (lbelow, eft), ex-EastEnder and geography professor, struggles to qualify as a household name even in Bethnal Green.

Nicola “It’s my new boobs’ first birthday today, can we have a party?” McLean (centre), page three girl and cosmetic surgery aficionado hardly registers on the Hello! contacts list.

Esther “My luxury item is fake tan” Rantzen is obviously useful for group hugs and OAP factor... but a star she is not.

And Robert-Kilroy Silk (right) – well, he’s just odious.

So, get past the grub-munching, slime-swilling, back-biting, stomach-turning bushtucker trials and what’s left? Ant and Dec in charge of mobile phone vote charges again... and we all know where that got us last time.

Only week one and with staying in being the new going out and supermarket booze the only cheap item left on a financially challenged shopping list, is it any wonder so many people are turning to drink?