Last updated 09:00, Saturday, 29 November 2008

NO surprise there, then. Applause, applause! Robert Kilroy-Silk was first to be voted out of the jungle.

Robert Kilroy Silk

His feelings hurt, pride pricked, permatan fading – but superior arrogance in tact – he stumbled across the bridge to the waiting arms of Ant and Dec, there to broadcast to the world what a hero he had been.

So brave and strong in the face of adversity – and constant attack from young girls with big breasts and inarticulate speech – one wonders how he managed it.

No wonder he’s such a highly thought of MEP. Such an able man, so full of self-importance, he could be relied on in any crisis from collapsing banks to tattered trade agreements – once he’s made up with colleagues baying for his blood for abandoning parliamentary duties to go play with his bushtuckers, of course.

Poor Silksy – nobody told him Australia wasn’t in the EU. Nobody told him there was more to earning respect then the ability to chew and swallow an insect.

Life will be so much simpler now. No need to tune in to the jungle again since the odious one has been given his marching orders. Only the prospect of seeing him get his comeuppance made a peep into the excruciating nonsense worth a light.

I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here! It’s like banging your head against a brick wall... such a relief when you give up.