Last updated 09:22, Thursday, 22 May 2008

I DON’T tell lies – declared John Graham at a talk at Whitehaven Library last Saturday.

I want to tell you a story...:John Graham current holder of the World’s Biggest Liar title talking at Whitehaven library.

But one can understand the audience being rather sceptical. John is, afterall, the current holder of The World’s Biggest Liar competition.

He explained that he tells tall stories but is not normally given to lying. And for the next hour he entertained the audience with some of his tall tales.

He included some he had used to win the title of World’s Biggest Liar – a contest held each year at Santon Bridge.

Johnny told many tales and even our reporter can’t be sure which were true and which were ‘tall tales’. However, they’re all good fun.

In particular, he told how an Australian journalist had asked him what he did for a living. Without so much as a twinkle in his eye, Johnny replied ‘Guinea Pig Farmer’. Sitting nearby was a famed BBC journalist over whose identity we will draw a discreet veil.

Some months later, a BBC TV crew turn up on Johnny’s door saying they wanted to film his guinea pig farm for a special programme (he is a farmer, though not of guinea pigs).

While the crew were setting up, Johnny phoned the local pet shop and six guinea pigs were sent by taxi and hurriedly put in suitable looking cages for the film crew. Johnny waxed lyrical about the difficulties of milking guinea pigs!

On another occasion Johnny was asked by a journalist if he could make up a tall tale about anything at all. He said yes and the journalist gazed up and challenged him to tell a tale about a seagull flying overhead. “Ah, you’ve got me there” he said. “I don’t know a tale about that seagull. However, I can tell you about his brother...”

The event was part of Local History Month, organised by Cumbria Libraries and Archives.

IT’S good to see Arsenic and Old Lace being revived for Keswick Theatre’s Summer run.

This Joseph Kesselring play and Frank Capra movie is probably the original potboiler. Indeed, Frank Capra said he only made the film because he wanted a sure-fire money-spinner.

In the film, Cary Grant plays the hero, Mortimer Brewster – but if you can just imagine Bob Hope playing the frantic cousin dashing around the stage for almost the entire production then you’ll not be too surprised that Bob Hope was originally offered the role. Rather disturbingly, the actor Ronald Reagan was also offered the role but fortunately turned it down.

One of the running jokes through this tale of two murderous aunts revolves around the other cousin, Jonathan Brewster. As a murderer on the run, he was given plastic surgery to change his appearance. Unfortunately, the drunken surgeon (Peter Lorre) had a Boris Karloff poster on the wall and gave him Karloff’s face. All through the play/film, characters keep staring at Jonathan saying ‘Haven’t I seen you somewhere before...’.

The joke was taken to its logical conclusion on the stage version with Boris Karloff playing the role of Jonathan Brewster.

One more piece of trivia.. In the film, Cary Grant sits on a tombstone – just behind him there’s a grave bearing the name, Archie Leach. Archie Leach is Grant’s real name.

And our favourite line has to be “Insanity doesn’t just run in our family, it practically gallops.”

We think Theatre by the Lake have a surefire hit for this summer. To book, phone 017687 74411.

THE revised edition of Dr Trevor Park’s book on St Bees College is a surprisingly entertaining read.

It’s full of much historical fact but also plenty of colour. For example, this description of Whitehaven from a Superintending Inspector of the General Board of Health: “Such an amount of human wretchedness and misery ... as few persons in better circumstances would believe existed. Words, written or spoken cannot convey to the mind the whole state of things, there must be sight and smell to aid and inform the imagination. The pen of the novelist never yet depicted such a depth of utter wretchedness.”

No doubt someone had left their dustbin lid up.

AN interesting way to avoid the prying eyes of the Freedom of Information Act has been turned up at our regeneration organisation, West Lakes Renaissance.

A News’ reporter was curious to check out what a new director for the body was being paid and asked under an Freedom of Information (FOI) request.

However the reporter was told that such information did not have to be given as it was not wholly public funded.

A spokesman told the reporter: “West Lakes Renaissance is owned by Northwest Regional Development Agency, Cumbria County Council, Allerdale Borough Council, Barrow Borough Council, Copeland Borough Council and five private sector directors, so is therefore not 100 per cent owned by listed organisations.”